chapter 3

what do you do when the one you love lies broken and macerated , you fight , you fight for every ounce of hope that might sustain him , you fight until every part of you is so exhausted that you dont feel the pain anymore , but what do you do when he wakes up and looks at you  and then again goes back into that dreaded unconsciousness....well you wait...you wait until he comes back again and may be this one time you might have certain answers...this time you might have figured out some words to apologise because you were responsible for his condition in the first place...

and this doesnt apply to mothers...its applicable only to boyfriends...vikram realised it when vikas came  out of shock , momentarily though , opened his eyes , mumbled something incomprehensible and then drifted again . it was so much easier for bobby. she hugged him , cried her heart apart , said all kinds of things and felt so relieved. somehow mothers are so immune from guilt.

it was so much easier for him when vikas was unconscious. but now he feared it , like he might wake up any moment and look into his eyes and ask him questions he might not have answers for. he didnt have the courage to look at him . to face him. so he stood outside his room , heard bobby wailing , the doctors diiscussing and then telling her that vikas was almost ut of danger. he wanted to be happy , to hold him and cry , yet it was hard. 

there were so many moments when he lamost wanted to run away and so many more when he almost went up to the door. but everytime he couldnt bring himself to enter it. somehow bobby's presence and of the people around him made it all the more difficult , as if they would all join him into a riot of accusations.

it was almost evening. bobby had conjured a lot of things. now that vikas might wake up any moment , she wanted to surround him with things he loved , he cherished , clothes , books , perfumes , even towels of his choice. 

'' you know he really doesnt like that jumper....you should have brought the green sweat shirt...he loves that...'' vikram told bobby...

'' which one...oh this!! he looks so wierd in it...look at this brown jumper...it was always his favourite..i knitted it with my own hands...see the rabbit i had made for him on that'' she showed him the brown woolen jumper , the kinds that kids wear , with a bunny smiling at it in gaudy white ..

'' you know he....he liked it when he was a kid...loved it because u used to make it for him...but he doesnt like it anymore...and he never told you that because he didnt want to.....you know...hurt your feelings'' he told he , hesitantly.

she didnt know what to say. to fight it out with her maternal instincts or accept the truth that he seemed to be saying. when you are in situations like this , even choosing a jumper can be a war...but she decided truce was better...so she took the jumper with her and just before leaving she told vikram '' there's a lot i dont know about my vikki....i'd like to know him...i'd like to know how you guys met? lemme just get the coffee..''